Wow. New post for the first time in literally years.

And I still have nothing to say. :-)

Be well .. me. And whoever else might read this...

Wow ..

Life moves at the speed of a .. well .. life.

And I have nothing further to say. Maybe later. Maybe not. Promising, no?

I did say it ..

Well .. here it is November. For some reason - possibly becuase all my problems are solved? I have stopped blogging. Not that I didn't expect it.

Hm .. things have gotten better on all fronts. And much worse on some. I know, that makes no sense at all. I'm not sure it does to me either.

SO maybe I'll stop here and consider.

Possibly more later.

I really thought I had it ..

Geez .. takes like 30 seconds for me to ruin my day. And someone else's.

and since this sat all night- it appears that it only takes me getting involved in whatever is going on to make it all come out ok.

So .. if you join into something that's already running - sometimes you become a part instead of a fifth wheel.

Who knew?

Once again ..

in analyzing .. me .. it seems I'm the only one that's really responsible for .. me. I guess that seems self evident - at least when it's actually put down in black and white. But don't we tend toward blaming others? I mean - usually we are more subtle than that, we don't actually blame others in most cases. But don't we often excuse our actions by thinking about other people actions and the extenuating circumstances caused but them? After all .. if she hadn't done THIS, then I'd not have had to do THIS. And so on. And as long as this takes place internally - sometimes even under what WE are looking at in error correction and control - we don't notice it as being blame.

But .. it is. Or an excuse. Which is probably actually worse.

Anyhow. .. I had a nice long look at me today, and I don't necessarily like what I saw. Not to say I'm a horrible demon or anything but I subtly try to blame others for my shortcomings.

Something I'll have to watch for.

Time flies

whether you're having fun or not.

It's been several days since I wrote here. I guess that may be a good sign - I HAVE come to look at my mantra several times.

I'm still having a problem, but it's nothing like as sharp. I'm trying to analyze it and see what the real issue is. There's always something that is the root cause of .. everything.

I'm guessing the root of this one is simple - I don't want to be left out. Running, and jumping - or playing games, or whatever - it's all the same. We don't want to be left out.

My two friends can't really see that since they are stable - they are not the ones being left out. And it's fairly subtle - it almost has to be experienced by someone to know what I'm saying. But .. when two friends that used to be YOUR best friends start spending more and more time with each other. Doing things, running around and talking together .. and I'm always welcome, but it's not comfortable so many times.

So. I'm going to do what I should have done long ago.

Just let it lie.

I'm not sure what to think.

The hardest part about trying to control - or more accurately to smooth out - your anger and your temper is trying to decide when something actually DOES require an angry response. We can't simply stop being angry at everything, for one thing, bad things really DO exist in the world. And we can't just ignore them - sometimes something needs to be done about them. And - usually simply caring feeling words can't quite cover that. If someone cuts off your love's head and stuffs it in a dumpster, kind words and "He was just misunderstood" don't cut it. Personally, I'd wanta scratch his (or her) eyes out.

So, how do we decide?

What's worthy of a response. And when is the best response .. nothing?